I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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