There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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