if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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