either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
