Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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