I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
