seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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