Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
