i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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