How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
