I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize