mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
