Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
