Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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