i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
