That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize