hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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