i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
