One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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