Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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