I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
