I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
