You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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