It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
