We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
