she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
