I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
