OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
