I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
