idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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