i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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