I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
