Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize