I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
