i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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