I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You need a sexual gate keeper
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
