I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I would ride that face into the sunset
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
