So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
