There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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