he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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