i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
should my penis look like a turkey
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
