I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
