He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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