he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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