I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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