I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
