Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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