How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
