So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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