i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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