Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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