I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
time to smoke my breakfast
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize