I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
