Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
