I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
