I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
