I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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