I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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