The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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