Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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