After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
