The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
