Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
