Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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