she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
