Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize