Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
