what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
