Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
