if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
