I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
