she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize