I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
