It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
