Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
