At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
