i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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