Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
