im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
