if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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