I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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