If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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