chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
