I wish I could punch you in the face.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
