She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
