Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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