I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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