Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
