why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
