A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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