i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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