You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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