The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
