I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
