Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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