We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
