Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
