Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
